Okay i found my problems.
One of my nrf24 board seems to have an defect. It does not send anything but receive works.#
After i've changed my nrf24 board, the node appeared just after burning the bootloader at my gateway.
Flashing via ethernet gateway (Arduino uno and w5100 board) was not possible.
I figured out, that lot of people have trouble with this, because the arduino reboots very often.
After updating to mysensors lib 2.2.0-beta this was better, but mostly my ethernet connection was lost during ota firmware update.
-There are lot of interesing things, that problmes came up with avr board revision 1.6.8. Also some problems are there with an resistor. I've no idea if the resistor problem occures only with newer board revisions.
I got my ethernet problems solved, with removing the sd card from the ethernet shield. I did not used it, it was there from an older project. No really idea, whats up with that sd card, but without an sd card connected, i was able to update my sketches.
I also used the bootloader from MySensorsBootloaderRF24-development and figured out that this one is needed to reassign the id.