ok. case solved. my mistake from the beginning...
i ran the adafruit test sketch without the reset lines, and after the guy in their forum reminded me, i tried this inside void setup, and than i realized that the rfm69 initializes before void setup, so i inserted these lines inside MyTransport.cpp:
void stInitTransition(void)
{
	pinMode(9, OUTPUT); //adafruit rfm69hcw board fix
     digitalWrite(9, HIGH);
     delay(100);
     digitalWrite(9, LOW);
     delay(100);
     TRANSPORT_DEBUG(PSTR("TSM:INIT\n"));
	// initialise status variables
	_transportSM.pingActive = false;
	_transportSM.transportActive = false;
	_transportSM.lastUplinkCheck = 0ul;
and everything is fine.
now i have a running serial-gw and 3 nodes that one of them talks to the gateway directly from a distance which a similar nrf node needed 2 repeaters to do so. exciting! its about 117 meters of direct line, with one plastic transperant door between and only simple standing wire antenna without dipole.
thanks everyone,
and a letter to the honorable @Admin  (s):
may i propose a sticky thread dedicated to all compatible hardwares which need special configuration in order to work with mysensors. some examples:
this thread 
adafruit feather
w5100 with rfm69
i think many members will benefit from such thread for saving time sweat and unnecessary effort for something that should be written somewhere in some dust covered manual



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  is vital to take over this problems.

 
 
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